Tag Archives: teenager

Hideous and Lovely (But Mostly Hideous)

You are all gorgeous,” says the Hollister-wearing duckface with a #SWAG cap.

“No you’re not,” says me.

There is an illness among us.  A rampant virus devastating the web, specifically targeting social networking sites and the blogosphere.  It creeps in silently, hidden among your daily readings and mindless scrolling, just aching to slide in through your eyes and into your helpless brain.  Despite it’s wide-spread influence and the travesty it wreaks, it is nearly undetectable.  But it is present.  And it is waiting.  And it is deadly.

This illness has a name.  A phrase that resonates from within the memory bank, a universal phrase you can never quite place.

“Everyone is Beautiful.”

If you have somehow managed to avoid these poisonous posts filled with ignorant rallying, consider yourself lucky.  These poorly-worded rants are often naive, dense, and grammatically-suicidal, if not outright stupid.  And they usually go something like this:

Hey you.  Yeah you.  That ugly face that you see in the mirror?  That’s not your face.  You’re actually beautiful.  Just like everyone else.  We’re all beautiful.  You can trust me because I’m ACTUALLY beautiful.  The Jimmy Choos that I’m wearing prove it.

I understand that the writers of these posts mostly have good intentions, such as stroking your offensively low self-esteem or trying to appear saintly or attempting to get internet famous.  But they’re going about it the wrong way.  They’re lying.

And liars never win and quitters never win and pants on fire or however that saying goes.

I am here to tell you the truth, a truth that will give you wings and set you free: YOU. ARE. UGLY.  And it is a great thing to be ugly.

Beauty is stifling; if you have ever thought yourself to be attractive, you know what I’m talking about.  There is pressure to be physically perfect, always dress fashionably, constantly radiate charisma and create an atmosphere of happiness and beauty 24/6 (beautiful people get a break every Tuesday).  You can’t make dinosaur noises or pretend to be a noodle or lay in a sandbox; you can’t even complain about your insecurities because “You’re beautiful so you don’t know how it is to be insecure.”

Beauty is a prison, and the day I discovered I was a hideous human being was the day I was set free.  Ugliness is freedom.  Ugliness is what the Constitution is all about.

Sure beauty has its perks.  For one, people tend to love you more.  And you get more things.  And life is generally easier.  And you get a lot of attention.  And you might even make a job out of it.  Actually, beauty is pretty much all perks.  However, it is also deadly.  People get so caught up in the shallow pool of vanity that they forget just how deep and complex we as human beings actually are.  Life is not just about looks and dieting and money and status.  It’s about letting go of the insecurities and inhibitions and spazzing to Barbie Girl.  It’s about learning and compassion and snowball fights and soup.  Its about everything, the good and the bad, and the beautiful.  In small doses.

Embracing your Ugly will make your soul soar.  Everyone has flaws, you may as well claim yours as the undisputed best.  So what if you’re a zit face?  Those pimples set you free!  Buck teeth?  More like Buck Liberty.  Too short?  Short enough to escape the oppressive clutches of beauty.  Too fat?  FAT AND FREE.

In a way we’re all ugly.  It just takes some longer than others to embrace it.

And if you’re one of those nay-sayers who is all “when we say beauty, we mean inner beauty and goodness and personality!!!”, I have a different word for that definition of yours.

And that word is “AWESOME.”

Puppies are like Drugs

My heart is melting into puddles of gooey honey and ice cream.

I got a puppy.

puppy puppy

I don’t even have much to write, I just wanted to show off this perfect little creature I’ve been given the privilege of growing up with.  It’s funny how much brighter and more beautiful reality is now that I’ve met this tiny being.  I love everyone and everyone loves me and there’s sunshine coming from the dirt and the birds are singing and there’s just joy blossoming from everything and the world is good~

Seriously, getting a puppy is like a drug.  She pees everywhere and needs constant attention and I am beyond allergic to her and NOTHING CAN BRING ME DOWN.  I learn more from her than I do most humans.  She is just joy and love in puppy form.

This post is sappy sappiness and I don’t care because YOU CAN’T DENY EMOTIONS OF THIS MAGNITUDE.  GAH.

College Orientation = No Tacos

If college is anything like college orientation, its going to be an interminable 4 years.

2 days.  No tacos.  Or ramen.  Only drawling speakers, mindless pacing, and a lot of avoiding people.  For the most part, I do not mix well with people my age.  Usually I’m an invisible ninja who doesn’t have to deal with eyes, but orientation was like a crappy made-for-tv movie where I was the outcast main character the audience loves but the movie mates despise.  Girls glared.  Boys stared.  Somehow I felt simultaneously viewed as normal and weird.  Pretty sure a couple of my groupmates thought I was mentally-handicapped.  I probably was handicapped from lack of sleep and creeping social anxiety…and the lack of food.

Besides the never-ending speeches on how us freshmen are most likely going to die our first year of college because we know nothing except how to booze and drive cars off of roads, orientation was okay.  And by “okay” I mean “I don’t know how to process any of this so I’d rather curl up into fetal position and watch documentaries on insects.”  Yeah, that happened.

Firstly, I got lost.  So lost.  So many times.  Right off the bat I spent an hour and a half in 110 degree weather searching for the building.  After my panicked father called and spent 45 minutes guiding me to the building (I had no map.  Or sense of directions), I arrived in a state of sweaty glory, pissed at the college for sucky parking but relieved I didn’t have to interact with other human beings and ask for directions.  Later that night I couldn’t find my car, so I spent 2 hours honing my navigation skills and becoming a master of the college map.  In a way I learned more wandering around than I did listening to the orientation lectures.  It was almost fun.  I just told my cramping feet that we were being pirates going on a treasure hunt for facial wash and pajamas.  After narrowly escaping the clutches of a speeding bus, I located my car, retrieved my luggage, and headed for the dorm where kids were partying and drinking on the lawn while dancing to Beast’s “Beautiful Night.”

That was probably the weirdest part of the whole orientation experience.  I’m used to teenagers getting crazy and breaking rules, but its always done with the notion that somewhere out there some no-fun adult is trying to stop you.  But not this time.  Nobody was telling us to go to bed or stop partying, because we were the adults now.  This freedom was intoxicating.  Literally.  But our future is now in our hands, and nobody is responsible for us but us.  We are the future, and we say its a freaking 아름다운 밤이야 and we are going to get crazy because WE ARE ADULTS NOW, DAMMIT.

Welcome to college.

P.S. I didn’t party.  I fell asleep.  Because I freaking love sleep.  Welcome to REAL WORLD college.